Picky eater or food neophobia

It has been over a week since I broke down and took all the pasta from our house and put it in a big garbage bag and stored it away.  There were about 20 boxes of pasta in that bag. We told Aiden that the mailman took it.   The reason I did this is because he woke up asking for pasta. For lunch he wants pasta. For dinner he wants pasta. I feel like he's getting worse and worse with his pasta addiction so I figured kicking the pasta habit cold turkey would be the best route.

I get so many comments from strangers, friends and family...

                "Just let him be"

                "He won't starve"

                "force it"

                "my kid is the same way"

Well...

                - We tried

                - Yes he will

                - We tried and it back fired

                - really?

Last night I hit a new low.  I tried forcing him to eat pasta with broccoli.  I put him in his little brothers crib every time he wouldn't eat it and only take him out of the crib if he tells me he will eat it.  So after the 6th or 7th time in the crib and many many tears, he fell asleep, hungry.  He lost weight since we took pasta out which made me realize that the comment "he won't starve" is not necessarily true.  I  feel terrible for trying to force him to eat, especially since it didn't work. It only made him resent me.  I'm scared daily that he doesn't eat enough nutrients.   His little brother is starting to pick up his bad habits and he only wants the same food as his big brother, Aiden.   So now we need to separate them during meal time so Aiden can't influence Dylan.  

I did some research online and came across this video "ExtremelyPicky Eaters Fear Trying New Foods" There is an actual name for this -- Food Neophobia.  I'm curious if Aiden has this or if his fear of food is due to his food allergies.  Aiden gags and hits his face when we try to give him something new to eat.  I can tell that he is curious about certain foods but he can't get himself to try it. Even watermelon was an issue this weekend.

Aiden's will only eat the following 10 foods.  I cannot imagine that this little 3.5 year old boy is getting enough nutrients, even while taking vitamin supplements.

Plain granola (most of the time)

pancakes/waffles (rarely)

toast with jelly (sometimes)

chicken nuggets (sometimes)

Alphabet fries (most of the times)

Bagels (every time)

pasta with safe butter (every time)

muffins (all the time)

Cereals (most of the time)

Corn on the cob (all the time)

But his options are endless.

I'm going to step back and let him go back to eating pasta. 

Stressed to the newest level

Having a picky eater is stressful.  Having a picky eater with food allergies is painful.  Having TWO picky eaters can make you go crazy!  My 1 year old (no allergies) is becoming worse than my 3 year old (allergies) and it's making me go nuts! 

We finally realized that my little guy is milk intolerant but it's not the worst news since we don't have dairy in the house anyways and because it's not going to kill him if he accidentally has dairy.  Since he started eating solids we gave him loads of varieties and never held back when it came to feeding him. He ate everything we gave him and we were excited to finally have a child who eats.  That all ended last week and today I couldn't take it anymore and left the house.  I left my two hungry kids with my poor husband. 

My 3.5 year old who is allergic to milk, eggs, nuts (and avoiding soy) only eats chicken nuggets, pasta, plain granola and sometimes toast with jelly.   But out of those 4 items, he usually just wants pasta.  He wakes up asking for pasta. Wants pasta for lunch and for dinner. Can a child survive eating only these foods? No veggies and no fruit and hardly any protein. I wonder how he even has energy.  We try every single day to give him some sort of veggies. Today was the first time I sent him up to his room and into time-out because I made him toast but he didn't want it so he asked for nuggets, I made nuggets and wouldn't eat them so he asked for pasta.  I'm constantly throwing food out.  So I couldn't take it anymore and threw him into time-out and then in his room.  Not my proudest moment but we all at some point just loose it.

My 1.5 year old has a fear of food being hot lately.  I'm pretty sure my nanny burned him sometime last week because this change was very sudden.  She, of course, denied it.   Even when it's something completely cold he will freak out that it's hot. He use to eat everything and since last week he barely eats anything.  Today he only had a smoothie and plain pasta. 

I wish I was home with them every day than I could work on their eating habits.  Even then I wonder if it would make a difference.  I'm so worn out just trying to feed them.  Even with their restrictions there are so many options which makes it so much more frustrating.  If there were no options than I would understand.

The good and the bad

The good. We made it through another vacation without any issues.  Just a small rash here and there, but that's it.  We went to LBI (long beach island, NJ) and it was fantastic. Aiden had a blast and the sun made him crash every night.  He even slept through the night in a pack n play! say whaaa!?  Jared and I got some good needed rest.

And the bad.  I'm tired.  Planning meals is exhausting and time-consuming.   Avoiding foods that can harm Aiden feels impossible sometimes.   Eating out gives me anxieties and is no longer enjoyable and actually pointless.   I don't think a person can understand unless you are going through it.  Every meal, every trip to the grocery store, every birthday party becomes an emotional roller coaster.   I tear up at almost every event we are at, even when the parents try to accommodate us. But all I want is for my child (and our family) to feel normal. I guess I need to accept that this is OUR normal.

I know it could be worse and I should just shut the hell up and be grateful he's gaining weight and he's actually healthy. Probably more so than if he could eat everything.  So all of this is a pity party for me. For all the tears that fall down my face when he pushes my meals away which sometimes takes hours to make.  For all the scary moments when I see Aiden picking up a wrapper from the street.  For all the times I have to tell kids not to touch Aiden because I just don't know what they ate.  And lastly, for the constant remainders to please wash your hands and stop kissing him.  I sometimes loose it and get nasty emotional, but what's a mom to do?  I know I'm not the only one that is going through this and I know so many kids/parents have it way worse. I'm sorry. I have such a big heart for every parent that has to deal with this. One allergy or 40, it all sucks. It's not easy. It's freaken hard.

The planning
The worrying
The explanations
The questions
The anxieties
The frustrations
The time
The pressure
The tears
The money

And most of all..  The LOVE.

I vent because I need to. Because I'm tired and because I cried for 40 minutes last night after Aiden pushed his "yummy" dinner and smoothie away and just wanted plain pasta for the 80th time in the row.  I try. I really really try.

My little man in LBI

Epipen injection

I was driving home yesterday at 3:30pm and when I hit traffic (about a mile or two from home) I looked at my phone and noticed I had 4 missed calls, 2 from my nanny and 2 from my husband.  I called my husband's cell (strange that he wasn't at work) and he started freaking out why I don't answer my phone. He yelled that the nanny had to give our son the epipen. My heart sank and my pregnant belly began to cramp and I went into the ugly cry.

I get on the emergency lane and pass the traffic and pray a cop doesn't pull me over. If one does, I will pray for pity. I get home about five minutes after the call and my nanny still wasn't home. My husband is another 5 minutes away.  I called the nanny and she said she's walking him back from the playground now.  I gather my diaper bag and some other stuff so that we can take him to the ER when they and my husband gets here.

I see my nanny speed walking with the stroller and she clearly was shaken up. Aiden was just dazed and confused with boogers all over his face and dry tears.  When he saw me and I picked him up I though he was going to choke me from squeezing my neck so tight. He would not let me go.  She showed me the used epi pen and Aiden imminently started saying "no no no no."

So this is what happened... My nanny takes Aiden to the playground behind a kindergarten school. They were playing with another little girl and her nanny (our neighbors) and the little girl started eating something from the ground and Aiden followed. My nann said he swallowed some stuff before she noticed anything and then she noticed popcorn on the ground and some in his mouth. She noticed his face getting a massive rash around his mouth so the other nanny started telling my nanny to take Aiden into the school where there was a nurse (there is a summer program in progress).  The nurse wanted to give him benadryl but my nanny wasn't sure if he could have it, even though it's all over my house and I always mention to her that he always has benadryl, so my nanny and the nurse watched him for a few minutes and his face was getting worse. His face began to swell and since he did ingest something they were afraid he might go into shock and the nurse advised my nanny to give him the epipen.  She did and his skin imminently cleared up and they watched him for a few minutes and headed home.

We took him to the ER and everyone, including Aiden's pediatrician, the ER pediatrician, my allergist all said that she did the right thing. Thankfully she has watched the epipen video in the past and we have had many conversations about it. But better be safe than sorry. If she has doubts -give the epipen.

Later that night my husband went back to the park to look for the popcorn but there was nothing. The evidence was gone.  I'm curious what kind of popcorn was it and what other food, if any, did he eat.  A few people told me that some popcorn is made in peanut oil.  Scary.

I hate food allergies. They suck and they are ruining our lives.  I'm exhausted from the worrying and I'm tired of seeing my nanny's number come up on my phone because I imminently think something happened.   I have a fear of "THAT CALL" and I'm so scared for the future.

I can't imagine what would have happened if he was eating peanuts and she didn't notice. It was a wake up call for everyone and hopefully there are no more incidents like this.

My reality

The reality is that at any moment someone can slip.  Every time someone forgets to wash their hands when they walk through our door I cringe.  Every time someone touches Aiden's face I want to go on an attack.  Just recently a little girl kissed Aiden and as cute as it is, it is also scary. This particular mom understood since her daughter cannot eat wheat but most parents don't understand.  I usually have to interview the mom with what their child ate that day, just incase there was some sort of lip contact.  Eyes start rolling and the dirty looks start coming.  Unless you are a parent of a Food Allergic kid or if you witness someone you truly love go into an anaphylactic reaction, you will never totally understand it.  But please at least have the compassion to not roll your eyes when I'm standing right in front of you.  I get it, it's rude to tell you not to touch my son or not to give him that cookie.  I mean, what kind of a mother does not let a grandparent touch their own grandchild? or what kind of a mother does not let a stranger give him a cookie?

At the end of the day I have a child that is sleeping in his own bed and not in the ER.  Until he himself understand food allergies, it is his fathers and mothers duty to protect him. I have cried too many tears because of these stupid allergies and I want nothing more than for my son to be free of them and to have a normal life. To play with other kids without worry. To go out to dinner and enjoy having desert that is ordered from the menu, not from what mom baked couple days or weeks earlier.  I want nothing more than for a little girl to give Aiden a huge kiss and a hug. 

I wonder how will these allergies affect Aiden as an adult?  Will he be like Sloane Miller and still enjoy life? Will he develop some sort of a compulsive disorder and wash his hands every time someone or something touches them?  Will he lock himself in his room and never come out?  Will he travel the world?  Will he be smart and cautious or rebellious?  I catch myself thinking about the future much more frequently than I probably should.

I just hope and pray that he will always be as happy as he is now. 

Vacation

The three of us went to Florida the week after Easter.  There was so much planning. So much anxiety. So many phone calls. So many conversations.  But after all of that we had a fantastic time in Florida and Aiden had just a few mild reaction and nothing dramatic. 

We were very disappointed that JetBlue could not announce on board that there was someone with sever food allergies and to please not eat peanuts.  It's actually illegal to announce it because it's discriminating against those that want peanuts.  I could have really gone to town on that comment but then I would have been arrested.  They did move our seat to the back of the plane where there was no one sitting but I still wish they could have made a friendly announcement. Aiden did have a mild reaction on that flight but Benadryl took care of it.   

Our hotel room was perfect. We had a fridge and a hot stove so I was able to cook everything for him. We shipped a box with his food/milk to the hotel a week earlier which was a HUGE help.  There were a few times where we had to be more cautious than ever before.  He would run through the hallway  in the hotel and we saw a peanut on the floor for a few days.   Someone also dropped ice cream on the floor near the pool and it took a full day to be cleaned up.  I also saw a little girl spilling a white drink (looked like milk) into the pool.  I spoke to the girl, only to get an attitude from her dad.  It turned out it was a pina-colada and it was completely okay to pour it into the pool, as the dad said.  Ok.  I forgot that we should all go get fruity drinks and just pour them into the pool because it's completely normal.

My husband and I took turns to go eat and only ate together a few times when Aiden was either sleeping or when we had Elmo on the IPAD.  But most breakfast and lunch we ate alone.  We did make it to two restaurants outside of the resort and the first one he had a slight reaction on his face so I'm pretty sure it's because I didn't clean his high chair carefully enough.  Second time was perfect. We were even able to order guacamole from the menu and Aiden devoured it.

Our flight back was completely full.  My husband spoke to the flight attendant and she said she can't make an announcement because it's illegal but she can mention something to the row in front and the row in back of us.  Fine.  About 10 minutes passes by and she still didn't say anything and people started opening up their bags of goodies.  Right behind my husband's seat a lady opens a peanut bar. I even smelled the peanuts.  We kindly asked if she could put it away and she did.  My husband went and spoke to the flight attendant again and she finally spoke to the two rows.  When they walked around with snacks they offered cashews and the guy sitting right in front of my son's seat asked for a bag. The flight attendant said she can't give him a bag and he asked 2 more times. What part of a nut allergy do you not understand? I felt like screaming.  

Aiden did have some swelling on his body after that flight. But nothing sever and we were finally home.

We thought if flying with Aiden wasn't so bad, we can deal with anything.  We were wrong.  We went to a family reunion the day after returning from Florida.  There was a peanut cake.  My husband's cousin did put it away immediately but we were told that there are always peanut products in that house.   The entire day I felt like we were constantly being annoying.  I felt like Aiden's allergies were bothering everyone else.  His cousin did make a huge afford to constantly ask us question and be as polite as possible.  They are so sweet.  Thankfully the weather was nice and we were in the back yard most of the day.  I still felt like I was constantly Aiden's shadow, not even allowing the cousins to play together because they were constantly around food.  Kids were touching Aiden so we had to hold him most of the time.  Adults were touching Aiden so I had to be the bitch and say please don't touch him because you just touched pastries. I was never rude but I was persistent because it seemed that very few get it.  I received dirty looks from my immediate family which just made me burst into tears as soon as I got into the car.  I'm overly emotional because I'm pregnant.  But I'm also annoyed because the people that should get it the most (grandparents), don't.  Instead they give us a hard time and start putting a guilt trip about other issues they have.  When we got home Aiden's body was getting so much worse.  He had huge red blotches all over the back of his legs and on his face.  His back was even more swollen than after the flight.  It feels like a constant battle.  A battle with food allergies and a battle with family.  I feel like some friends get it more than family.  Very frustrating.

Summer time

Summer is almost here and this is the time to jump up and down with excitement because this means more play time at the park.  This means waking up Sunday mornings and going to the restaurants and sitting outside while having those yummy pancakes for brunch. It's time to grab our beach towels and head towards the water for some fun in the sand.  This means it's time to barbeque every weekend.  Visiting friends and having lots of play dates on the green grass.

The ice cream truck will make its way onto our block while the kids scream Ice Cream! Ice Cream!  I couldn’t wait for Aiden to be big enough for the Ice Cream truck. I pictured him running to us for money so that he can get a rainbow pop. 

But this is not our story, just a dream we once had.  I tear up just thinking about how many restrictions we have. How much planning goes into a simple trip to a friend's house.  Making sure everyone around us is aware Aiden has food allergies to avoid any accidents. Educating everyone and ourselves every second of the day. Going to the park scares me because the child next to him could have had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich ten minutes ago and now he's touching the swing set my son is playing on. Do I wipe everything down before Aiden touches it? It’s impossible. 

I should have the luxury of just watching Aiden play and savoring every moment, every smile, every “look mom!" comment.  Instead I worry every second he is not at home.  I will do my best to focus on fun, not food this summer.

This is my awesome family. Me--my brother--my husband--Aiden--my mom--my step-dad. 

Is it possible that everyone here is looking at the camera? wow.. impressive.

Fish, Chicken, Beef, Beans, Avocados..

...Those might be Aiden's new allergies. I am not a happy Mommy right now..  He has these two massive blisters on his head which is a result of a reaction.  I have been giving Aiden Bisque pancakes for a while now and I guess I forgot to check the ingredients after we realized he's also allergic to Soy because there are Soybeans in the ingredients. I've been getting the yellow box, instead of the white box which is soy free.  I don't know how that's possible because I check EVERYTHING and I have no clue how I missed the ingredients on that box.  He didn't eat much and I always though he just didn't like pancakes, but what kid doesn't like pancakes? Well, it probably bothered him. 

As soon as I offer meat to him he acts like its poison so I stopped since it possibly IS poison to him. When I give him beans he spits them out, sometimes gags, and makes weird faces.  Again, might be bothering him.  Avocados just seem to always give him tummy problems and a rash.  I am pretty sure that he is allergic to fish, maybe not all fish, but definitely Pollack fish.  We offered it to him this past weekend and he had a rash on his face, neck and body. Lovely.

Can this child catch a break and just have a regular slice of pizza like all the other kids? Fine, he doesn’t need pizza, but damn it –stop it with all the new allergies. 

We are going to see a new allergist on March 4^th and I am super anxious!  An hour doesn’t go by that I do not think about the appointment.  I imagine having his blood work come back and the results all show that he outgrew everything and then I snap back into reality and realize that he has these massive blisters on his head which is a confirmation that he still has reactions.

I thought all of this would get easier.  Feeding him does gets easier but everything else does not.  Having family over is overwhelming. Last time we had a few family members over, one of them took out a peanut butter sandwich while my son was a few feet away. I was lost for words. I know kissing him is not allowed but I still see the same person that had the peanut butter sandwich kiss him way too close to the lips.  It sounds so selfish and rude to tell people NOT to kiss him and not to bring food into our house, but I would rather be the bitch of the family than have a dead child.  Sometimes I just want to scream. Sometimes I do.  I have seen people roll their eyes at me and make faces, but they just don’t get it. I don’t think they ever will.  We are making new rules and they will be known. No one is allowed to feed our child, this way he will learn that all food has to come from Mommy or Daddy. No kisses on the face. I am teaching him how Eskimos kiss and how to blow kisses.  I just don’t want someone else's lips on my child’s face.  I can see how that can sound to a person that never dealt with allergies, but to me, it sounds like a I’m saving my sons life. 

My oh so yummy Rice Puddiing

 

Aiden hates anything fancy. If i add some delicious spices to his food he will not eat it. But if it's plain and yummy, he will devour it.

This rice pudding cannot be any simpler to make and it has NO added sugar -oh yeah.

1 1/4 cup of (rice) milk
1 cup of white minute rice
(may need to add a tad more milk)
Sprinkle cinnamon

That's it. yup. now that's simple.

Yesterday I went even further. I added 2 Tbs of Almond butter, crushed rice krispies, steamed pureed broccoli and carrots. Mixed together.  Made little balls and coated them in rice krispies (semi-crushed). Baked for 10 minutes at 300. 

He has a ton of protein (almond butter), calcium (broccoli and milk) and a ton of vitamins.  Can I get a gold star now?  Days like this makes me want to dance around the house screaming he ate it! he ate it!

Statistics and more

The CDC (Centers for Disease Control) website states that you are at risk of allergies if there is any family history of asthma.  No one on my husband’s fathers side has asthma, that I know of, and I have never met anyone on his mother’s side, so there could be someone, or not.   Now my family is another story. My mother takes asthma inhalers and her mother has severe asthma, my grandfather will not survive another year due to his asthma but he is not my biological grandfather.  Does it count that they are chain smokers and probably could have easily avoided having asthma?  Is this considered family history?  When my mom quit smoking for four months she did not have to use her inhaler once, her asthma disappeared.  She began smoking again because she was gaining too much weight and started having asthma attacks shortly after.  Do I consider their asthma as hereditary or not?

The only food allergy that I am aware of from me or my husband is that my husband was allergic to strawberries when he was a toddler, but that’s it, at least that is the only thing I am aware of.

90% of all food allergies are Cow’s Milk, Eggs, Peanuts, Tree Nuts, Fish, Shellfish, Soybeans, and Wheat.  Aiden is allergic to 4 of the 8 major allergens. In addition, he’s allergic to sesame and possibly apples.

On the CDC website, it says “food allergies cause 30,000 cases of anaphylaxis, 2,000 hospitalizations, and 150 deaths annually.” –scary!  

In 2007, Four out of 100 children have a food allergy.  That is an 18% increase from 1997. After looking at all the charts, 2006 was the biggest increase, almost doubled.  I would love to see the 2010 statistics.  

I think I need to give myself a break and stop reading so much because I'm starting to scare myself.  I am hopeful that Aiden will outgrow all of them but I'm also trying to be realistic and know that there is a huge possibility that he will continue with a few of his allergies for many years to come, if not forever. 

This week I read about a 7 year old boy who suffered two heart attacks after a substitute teacher hands him chocolate that had a nut in it. (here is the story) And how am I suppose to feel safe with putting my child into a school? really? I want to stop reading about all these sad incidents, but I think I need to so that I can be aware of what can happen.  

And to brighten up the post. I made these incredibly delicious cookies for Aiden this week which I ate most of them.  I had to alter the recipe and use coconut yogurt and a special butter, but it worked. The recipe is here.

 

Fear of school

My baby is growing up, fast.  He’s almost 15 months now.  It’s amazing how fast time flies by. Before you know it, he’s in school.  And that’s what scares me more than anything in the entire world. When I think of Aiden going to school I get sick to my stomach.  I even cry at times. Actually, I cry a lot.  Not because he’s growing up and he’s not going to be with me all the time.  Because actually he’s not with me all the time now either, I work full time.  But what scares me is getting a phone call from the school saying that he and another kid from school shared a snack and now he’s fighting for his life.  Or that another boy had cheese crackers the night before and hid some in his little jacket pocket and one fell out while they were playing and Aiden was curious and ate it. Because let’s face it, three and  four year olds will eat what fell on the floor, especially something that has been forbidden for so long and finally he has access to get it into his mouth.  How about when his friend Jimmy has a sesame seed bagel with egg salad on in for lunch and doesn’t wash his hands and then plays with my son?

Aiden will be tested in the next few months and I am so anxious to find out how his levels are.  We know he still has allergies because he sometimes gets patches on his skin which usually is a result of an allergy.  He gets one above his eyebrow and on his shoulder.   We are nervous that it may be a new allergy since we are super cautious of what he eats. 

Here is my son being completely and totally awesome while having chocolate coconut ice cream..